SIBLINGS ARE NOT OPTIONAL
I have four siblings. Two brothers and two sisters. Old school! Well maybe. But surely better than having no sibling at all!
Siblings are your first best friends, your partners in crime. In fact having siblings is the most enduring relationship you have. As family is the first cradle of socialisation, having siblings makes it into a real family. You develop the feelings of altruism, learn sharing and bonding and develop social and interpersonal skills. With siblings we develop informal behavioral traits like communication and negotiation skills, as says sociologists like Dr. Laurie Kramer.
The millennial parents do not even think about it. In fact the thought of even starting a family does not occur to them for many years after marriage. Its considered tacky to even discuss it. And ofcourse having one child marks simultaneously the beginning and the end of a family.
The largest growing demographic today is the one child family. The "only child syndrome" a concept created by G Stanley Hall in the 19th century is in vogue again. Even though he claimed that the"only children" were “spoilt, selfish and bossy”. The same may be said of the "Little Emperors" born in China after the one-child policy was introduced in 1979. They're a generation which have been labelled as selfish, spoilt, and maladjusted because they have had no siblings to rival or share with. Even the psychologists do not approve of it. They believe that an only child could grow into an“oversensitive" person prone to “priggish self-conceit”.( Eugene W Bohannon)
Still the notion of only child has caught on. More so among the couples who are more career oriented, ambitious and driven. And of-course young. At this juncture of their life, with long hours of work, deadlines to meet, win the race for promotion, get a new house, invest in future et al, the option to start a family or have a second child takes a back seat. For some mothers who go in for their first child at mid thirties after fulfilling their other goals, having a second one after a few years get fraught with other medical complications. And they do not want to risk it. It also feels prohibitive to once again get into the rut of sleepless nights, juggling hours and nanny hunting that a fresh child rearing entails. Then there's the financial angle as well. Modern parents are highly competitive and ambitious for their progeny too. Their child has to get the best education, get a foreign degree, best gadgets, the best of everything so bringing up one child is enough.
So the poor child is deprived of having a sibling!
My first born was a baby girl, a child with special needs who needed special attention. So we did not go for a second child for many years lest she should be neglected. We doted on her, gave in to all her demands pampering her no end and ultimately spoiling her. She couldn't take no for an answer. She was ten by the time we decided to give her a sibling that too after being rebuked by the doctors. So she got a sister eventually. Inspite of healthy sibling rivalry between the two, she learnt to accept her and love her. She started learning new things as the baby grew, sharing things and even being protective to the little one. The younger one too loved her sister unashamedly and we were proud parents revelling in their little achievements finding a purpose in life to nurture our little family.
When my younger daughter was three I asked her once whether she would like another sibling. She vehemently declined and we did not give it another thought. We lost our special child when the younger one was twenty. And since that day she rues that she has no sibling to share her sorrows, joys or miletones in life. Worst was when she lost her father as well suddenly last year. She said to me, "mommy how could you heed the advice of a three year old while making such an important decision! Now I won't have anybody to share my childhood memories once you are gone too." She expressed that feeling, even though she had had only a "special" sister as a sibling.
The truth is that when we are young, living a busy life, pursuing many goals , living in just the 'moment', we don't think that far ahead. Our life choices are mostly archaic and expedient. By choosing to have only one kid, we are carving a lonely life for our kid, depriving him or her of the fun, laughter, sharing, squabbles, competitive rivalries, all the values that a family is about. We don't realize that we are choosing to shape up a future for our kid where he or she would be depriving their kids of an aunt or an uncle. Where there would be no extended family for their kids, no cousins, no family holidays, no real childhood. At this juncture, to young parents, old age looks so distant and their child's old age..well nobody gives it a thought at all.
Nobody can predict where life takes us when we are at the dusk. When sometimes struck with tragedies, debilitated in mind and body we try to cope, they empathise with you giving you moral and emotional support. They are just there for you. Personally, being bereaved after losing my soulmate of thirty eight years in the blink of an eye, has made me realize how important it is to have siblings.
I thank my parents for giving me siblings.
